Don your cardboard shinpads, make sure your studs are the right way round and prepare for some shoulder-high tackles as we present the worst football teams in the history of the game.

We’re joined by Icelandic stand-up comic Ari Eldjarn: grandson of a president and son-in-law of an international footballer as we enjoy the most hapless starting XIs in history. In a game of three halves we meet a team of Portuguese criminals who terrorised their opponents, the teams FIFA won’t accept in their club (big up United Koreans in Japan and Franconia) and the brave boys of early Icelandic football.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @arieldjarn

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